Showing posts from 2012

Wake up.... this is your life

It hit like a slap in the face.

Simple words from a friend over dinner and a glass of traditional Greek wine that changed my attitude and made life way more pleasant -- at least for a week.

I was lamenting about missing "my life" in a city I left eight months ago, when my long-time, relentlessly cheerful,  hopelessly optimistic friend said: "This is your life."

And just like that, I got it.

While I had been wallowing in missing my life as it used to be, I'd been missing out on the life that is.

Put another way, I spent so much time being depressed over not being in my home and the rest of the time plotting how I'd get back to it and in the little time left after that, worrying about how I'd never be able to make it back to my lovely, comfortable space. Life was passing me by.

I was not living in the "here" or the "now."

As my friend, reminded me with those  four words, this time, right now in this new city IS my life.

And if by some…

"Kumin-Hiroba Shiinamachi" Pumpkin Carving Workshop

"Kumin-Hiroba Shiinamachi" Pumpkin Carving Workshop
Originally uploaded by HAMACHI! Happy Halloween
My apartment building has a sign up sheet for tenants who want trick-o-treaters to stop by.
I would rather they ask us to bring our treats to the lobby. That way we could meet our neighbors and no one above the lobby would be disturbed by little visitors in the hallways and doors opening and closing.
Maybe next year.
A lot can happen in four months.
Gabby Douglas makes history at the London OlympicsSpace probe Curiosity lands on MarsJuly 2012 designated the hottest month everMitt Romney becomes GOP presidential nomineeThe realization that I am an amazing woman* But perhaps none of those things are more momentous to me than the realization that the adjustment is happening.

I knew it on the day that, for the first time, I refer to my tiny New York apartment as home. I'm not missing my two-bedroom, three-level home with garage like an amputee feeling a phantom limb.
It was on the train ride back from my sister's home in Virginia. I'm going home, I told myself and I smiled.

It happened when I was able to spend two days "at home" on vacation, able to just be in the apartment and stroll, without purpose, through my new neighborhood. A spa treatment at the Mandarin Oriental no doubt helped me relax. I had been exhausted -- almost to the breaking point -- and didn't even know it.

Missing Mom

Friday was my mother's birthday. The reminder that popped up on my Apple devices just after midnight was jarring. I thought at some point during the day I would be overcome with emotion but it didn't happen.

I did not cry.

On Saturday, Barack Obama "officially" kicked off his campaign for reelection.
On Saturday, I cried... a lot.

Today, I'm crying again.

My mother died on March 4, a devastating blow after we all had been so hopeful a few weeks earlier. (See January post) It was devastating even though in the end we'd moved her to hospice care and were preparing for her death.

My cousin Brenda who lost her mother -- my favorite aunt -- more than a decade earlier, warned me that the tears would come when they come and that I should be prepared to let them flow.

She was right. But what she didn't tell me was that I'd never know what would trigger the tears.
I assumed it would be music, like Eva Cassidy who mom loved or old R&B tunes. I thought it…

Return to the Land of the Living

I'm back. Deeply inspired by Orphaned Blogs - a call by communications consultant Hillary Shay to return to your once fabulous, now forgotten blog - so that's what I'm doing.

It's been a long stretch since January 3rd when I got the call saying that my mother  "was not going to make it." She'd been rushed to the hospital in Atlanta, suffering from what we now know was a stroke and other complications. Since then, I'm been living in limbo with my thoughts stuck on what's next and how will my siblings and I manage.

Will she awake from her non-responsive state? (she did) Will she be able to speak again? (she is) Will she be able to manage on her own again? Where will she live? And the one weighing most on me -- How will be pay for treatment and care? The unknown is a dreadful thing.

Suddenly, my life changed. Reading about the little known Social Security benefits or researching the best places for retirement, or drooling over the latest Bon Appetit…